CLOSING TIME: 'Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End' *cue song*

'One's destination is never a place...but a new way of seeing things' -Henry Miller


Wow...Time really seemed to overdo it on the red bull because it has obviously developed wings to have flown by so quickly!

 So it is the day before I leave and i feel.....SICK! First time in ages and I'm sneezing, runny nose, feeling weak, exhausted...SIGH!!! I'm actually sucking a massive grapefruit as I write this. I hope and pray I get better ASAP! Otherwise, I feel: 

surreal,excited,anxious,apprehensive,sad and every other synonym that can be found on 
http://thesaurus.com/

The hardest part about this experience will be the fact that I am unable to share it with those I love the most... 
In fact, Saturday, which was the last full day spent with Dom, was sad for me because it really hit me that I was leaving...and because we exchanged promise rings (so sweet).
Check out my facebook status from Sat nite lol: 


‎-DISCLAIMER:THE FOLLOWING IS A MUSHFEST,VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!
there is not enough time in the world to let (his name) know just how much I will miss him over the next 8 months...it is hard to go from being w/that special person almost every day to not at all for so long.U r my bestest friend, my lover & my comforter& despite the obstacles, I thank God for blessing me with you over the past 4 years :) if we make it through this then we can be even more sure that we are meant to be ♥


if I were single and disengaged well then by all means I would be a happy camper all single and ready to mingle, excited to grasp the bull by its horns and delve into a brand new experience head first!

However such is not the case....I am leaving my loved ones behind ( I won't even be back for christmas :(  ) because this has always been a dream of mine and as much as I will be sad to go I do not want to ever regret never enjoying and learning from this opportunity!

'20 years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour and catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.' - Mark Twain.

So with my 2 large suitcases and small carry on packed (no worries my mom is accompanying me for the first 2 weeks lol)...I feel content...not going to think about the 6hour time difference and the miles between us but I'm going to open my mind and my arms to embrace this wonderful opportunity! 
So Cheers to a safe flight where I am not too exhausted and battered from jet lag!
 May the Good Lord above continue to guide and protect me on this new journey and help me to learn and experience all that I must to continue growing and becoming the person I was meant to be!!!

I AM READY!! Goodbye Trinidad...I will miss you my lovely caribbean island...my family...friends....my DOG CASEY!!! my BF Dominic......<3   See you all in May 2012...
xoxox

my bf & i w/the <3 of my life casey  :)

'You must be the change you wish to see in the world' - Ghandi

Hey all,

So I'm taking a little break from the french updates just to share something with you.

A lot of you have probably heard the above title quote a million times...I have! But today for some reason it really struck a chord with me as I got to thinking about it....there a few points of interest that I would like you all to bear in mind with regard to You beginning the ripple effect to make a change....

Remember: ONE MILLION begins with ONE ......

 How to be the Change You wish To See In The World

1. Know that all significant change throughout history has occurred not because of nations, armies, governments and certainly not committees. They happened as a result of the courage and commitment of individuals. People like Joan of Ark, Albert Einstein,Mahatma Ghandi, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Thomas Edison and Rosa Parks. They might not have done it alone, but they were, without question, the change makers.

2. Believe that you have a unique purpose and potential in the world. It’s not so much something to create as to be discovered. And it’s up to you to discover it. Believe that you can and will make a difference.

3. Recognize that everything you do, every step you take, every sentence you write, every word you speak—or DON’T speak--counts. Nothing is trivial. The world may be big, but there are no small things. Everything matters.

4. To be the change you want to see in the world, you don’t have to be loud. You don’t have to be eloquent. You don’t have to be elected. You don’t even have to be particularly smart or well educated. You do, however, have to be committed.

5. Take personal responsibility. Never think that "it’s not my job". It’s a cop-out to say, "What can I do, I’m only one person." You don’t need everyone’s cooperation or anyone’s permission to make changes. Remember this little gem, "If it’s to be, it’s up to me."

6. Don’t get caught up in the how of things. If you’re clear on what you want to change and why you want to change it, the how will come. Many significant things have been left undone because someone let the problem solving interfere with the decision-making.

7. Don’t wait for things to be right in order to begin. Change is messy. Things will never be just right. Follow Teddy Roosevelt’s timeless advice, "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."

8. The genesis for change is awareness. We cannot change what we don’t acknowledge. Most of the time, we aren’t aware of what’s wrong or what’s not working. We don’t see what could be. By becoming more aware, we begin the process of change.

9. Take to heart these words from Albert Einstein--arguably one of the smartest change masters who ever lived: "All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination and then works its way out. Imagination is more important than knowledge."

10. In order for things to change, YOU have to change. We can’t change others; we can only change ourselves. However, when WE change, it changes everything. And in doing so, we truly can be the change we want to see in the world.

DENIAL? Isn't that a river near Egypt?

9 days before my 10 1/2hour long flight to London and then France on the 23rd...
I am mostly packed, prepared, ready and rearing to go....and yet...deep down it has not yet CLICKED...
I've been spending a lot of time w my bf of nearly 4 years lately,overnighting etc...and although we discuss how we're going to cope with the 6 hour time difference among other issues....it still hasn't fully sunken in that I will be in a foreign country, miles away from home for the first time in EVER and for 8 months! Hec the last time I was on my own was in 2008 when I went to Guadeloupe on a university class trip for 3 weeks and even by then I was ready to come home!!!! Yet I want to live in FRANCE for 8 MONTHS? Pffttt this can't be really happening....I'm having a long, languid dream...*PINCH* ok no dream! Well hey God has His plans for me, who am I to freak out and question the Big man's will? Anyways I suppose it's time I really grow up and mature like a fine cheese or wine (fitting french simile)lol. No more being spoilt and baybied up as is at home...Time to smell the coffee, baguette or more specifically to Lille....the dog poop(which I've been forewarned about.) I can't be 23-soon-to-be-24 and afraid to be on my own....1st time for everything!


Anywhooz I know it won't be smooth sailing once I arrive...life has a funny way of trying to get you drunk by throwing lemons at you to make tequilla with....so I have no illusions! Nonetheless I plan to make the most out of this experience for myself and for my STUDENTS most importantly!!! I want them to profit from my presence and have the best time learning EVER with me teaching them....
however...please permit me to include a couple items on my wish/hope list: 


                     WISH/HOPELIST

• *my room in the house is bigger than my current one at home and nice&clean, not shabby&dingy
• *my sleep patterns are not jacked up from jet lag/being alone and somewhere different
• *my fellow roomates are cool,friendly,nice people sans the pyscho behaviour seen on those lifetime movie commercials
• *the weather is not constantly dreary & depressing...i need my daily dose of vit D via the sun :(
• *my teaching schedule begins from 10am and not when school starts at...ugh 8am...and ends earlier than the 4:30 hour when school ends....
• *i have nice, not too miserable high school students who are WILLING to learn and not wishing the day to end so they can get back to their social lives/smoking/making out/eating frogs' legs
• *there's a nearby gym and yoga classes (gotta get fit for carnival 2013 back home in Trinidad as I'm missing out 2012...also need to burn off all the creme brules and croque monsieurs pastries! lol)
• *I can figure out this train/bus/metro transport thing....i am VERY directionally challenged so hopefully I don't end up in Spain!
• *I can make my 800 euro/month salary work and perhaps even have extra at the end of it!
• *I remember that preservative in english is not preservatif in french,....which actually means CONDOM

^^ There, that's not too bad is it? I think my wishes/hopes are quite realistic for a little island chic like myself! lol


So it's actually happening!! The whole france thing!! Time to really brush up on my degree as I haven't been practising my french since I graduated a year ago....well orally at least...sadly my written is 100000 times better than my spoken...though I do grate out a pretty decent sounding 'rrrrrr' (as in CRAvat/MERde/VRAIment) without hawking spit on the person I'm talking to lol.


De toute facon, a+!!! Next time I write will be the weekend before I'm gone!!! xx bisous :)

                                                                       

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

FRANCE, FRANCE BABY!! 


Well now, luckily my french is up to par (supposedly after a 3 year degree) to avoid resorting to the title line when in dire straits!


So in my last post I said I'm going to Europe!! In fact,  there remains 17 days until my departure(with my aunt and mom yay!) for the country of wine, cheese, snails, frog legs, dog poop (apparently it's EVERYWHERE) and sucky deodarant. (I'm walking with 8 months worth...4 sticks!)


Everything is already organized thank God...Accomodation,French Visa etc. so I'm hoping there aren't any hiccups along the way between now and then...we all know how life has a way of throwing dagger encrusted lemons at us when all seems to be set and ready to go....!
 Somebody pinch me, this is all too surreal mayne!


I began packing...(yea, this way in advance lol) and lemme tell you, space bags are one of man's greatest inventions!!! i packed my comforter, bed sheets and mattress pad (all to make those lumpy single french beds more comfortable) and vacuum sucked  that mofo till it was as flat as a pancake!! HOWEVER, I am OVERWEIGHT in both my big check in suitcase as well as my carry on suitcase *SIGH* Soooo glad mom is coming to enjoy a mini eurotrip on my behalf lol so I can shove necessity items such as uh UNDERWEAR in her luggage as I have ZERO room! All that's left to pack is stuff like medication (supplements, vitamins, cold tablets etc as well as my melatonin which helps with my sleep) I kinda went overboard on the ordering clothes online from the usa thing...to avoid overspending in Europe lol as the exchange rate (1 euro = 8-10 tt dollars) SUCKS!!! The upside? I save money, Downside? I lose luggage space!


Otherwise, I'm just biding my time with fam, friends & my bf .... :'(    i am sooo attached to my family and to my bf of nearly 4 years so it's going to be realllyyy hard i know...and if I think about it too much I get sad and anxious so I haven't been dwelling on the fact that I'll be away from them all for 8months...who's gonna cook me an amazing sunday lunch?!! *tear*


Anyways so I feel caught between wanting time to hurry up and fly by so I can just get the flight over and done with....and between wanting time to slow down so i have enough to spend with my loved ones! Ah well, Tuesday September 20th at 5:20pm...I await you!!! Flight leaves at 5:20 pm heads over to St.Lucia till 7:25pm I think?? and then we board again for London, England!!! (only entry to Europe from Trinidad) upon which we arrive at 8:40 am (their time) and 4:40 am (my body's time) England is 4 hours ahead of Trinidad, France is 6 hours ahead! I'm praying I don't suffer too badly from jet lag taking into account my problems with normal sleep! I'm praying my sleep issues REVERSE to normalcy over there! lol (for newcomers to the blog, earlier posts chronicle my battle with sleep issues)


I should probably mention here that I am TERRIFIED of plane flights and being in that plane for so long....the longest I've ever been on a plane was about 4 or 5 hours just from Trinidad to Miami!! And this flight from Trinidad to London is 10 hours 40 minutes.............................................................................
IF I COULD HAVE TAKEN A SHIP I SO WOULD HAVE! hec if I could have driven I probably would have!!! Anyways I used to love planes ah....until the sudden onslaught of crashes threw me off guard...now the slightest turbulence has me praying fervently throughout the ENTIRE duration of the trip hence leaving me with a sore throat and no voice upon my arrival....
NONETHELESS....i must admit...after all I've been through w the past anxiety and sleep problems, this impending plane flight hasn't been affecting me much as it would have....
QUE SERA SERA, whatever will be will be mayne!! So hey i'm content now with whatever happens beyond my control....if i were to live in total fear of that flight i wouldn't have bothered to do this assistantship in France & possibly have one of the greatest experiences of my life now would I?
so for all those who may share my same fear, let it go...it's beyond your control....listen to some soothing music on your ipod, read a book, maybe smuggle some vodka if that helps you or ask your doc for one time calming pills to knock u out for a part of the flight or just calm u down.
Otherwise, you're simply NOT living life!!

Wise Words

Post #6  (I'm updating slowly but surely!) lol


This post is basically a compilation of random motivational lines that really help to put things into perspective for me.....throughout everything I have realized that the saddest I felt was in the beginning...the first 2years where I didn't know why everything was happening to me and why i had to endure what I was going through...restoring my faith in God as well as a brand new attitude and perspective on life have helped me IMMENSELY! Although at times I may be a bit gloomy...those times are now very rare and don't last as long as before where I would be depressed for days and sometimes weeks and cry every other day almost!
 Now, I have come to appreciate that our time here on this earth is limited and that despite what i have gone through and am still going through, I am still lucky and blessed compared to others...always be grateful for what you do have...count your blessings and not your lackings....
Anyways so one day when I was feeling down my darling mom wrote this on a card  to me and it really touched me so I thought I would share it with you all...


Dear *insert your name here*


This is the day you step forward and say to yourself-
"Today I will start becoming the person I am mean to be."
Let that be your mantra, say it on awakening every day that you are blessed with.
Remember- You are loved, you are surrounded by peope who care about you and want nothing but the best for you. You have an inner strength, given to you by God- find it, tap into it and use it always when needs be.
We all make mistakes, that is how we learn and grow- acknowledge yours and say to yourself,
 "Today I will Grow a little more than yesterday, than last week, than last month, than last year."


*insert your name here* 


You are one of the  colours that make up God's Rainbow of Life and like a rainbow you help to brighten up someone's day.
Remember to say thank you every morning and every night...be grateful for Life...it is a glorious gift no matter its ups and downs- it's full of challenges and wonders. Every day is important in the grand scheme of things.
Treasure yesterday, live and love today and look forward to tomorrow. Spread joy when you can.


YOU are the captain of your ship.....So Stand Straight and tall at the wheel and STEER!!!!


<3

UPDATES!!!

>>>>> Sooo after being all hot and sweaty when I first created this blog and writing post after post, I slacked off for a bit...just a couple MONTHS...nothing major...lol...FORGIVE MY ABSENCE!!!

Anyways I'm baccckkk! Better late than never right? lol Post #5!!! <<<<<<

Updates in a nutshell (like 4 months worth!)

I am a brand new person :)   the whole sleep issue is still an ongoing issue although on a lesser level compared to months before....my anxiety is virtually GONE and emotionally,spiritually and mentally,(I'm still working on the physically part) lol. I am in a way better place than I was before thanks to SEVERAL little miracles I have been lucky enough to witness 'seek and you shall find, ask and it shall be given to you.'... This is all a result of NO MEDICATION and simply a change of attitude and perspective!!!!

I am content and grateful and living day to day rather than worrying about the future and what may or may not come to pass and I am just a more mature and better person on the whole striving to be the best that I can be for myself, others and God...

That said, for those of you who don't already know, I have some major life changing news:

******* I am going to France for 8 months *******  !!!!

Looonnnggg story short, I had applied for the program but never intended on actually going because of my sleep situation etc...I wasn't sure if I'd be ok enough to be away soooo far away for sooo long....but I applied just to see if I would get through and I did!!!
so my flight is September 20th and I am sooooo excited and nervous but very grateful for the opportunity!
 I'm not going to worry about the 'what if I feel sick and can't sleep over there' business (though of course it does cross my mind)...I have faith and trust in God...and this is the path I am meant to take thus far...Que sera, sera.
Of course I will be blogging alllll about my european experience!

Everything is more or less organized. I will be teaching at a high school in Roubaix, Lille, France from Oct 1st - April 31st and I already have accomodation. I have orientation Oct 5th but of course I'm getting there extra early to organize my bank account & other administrative fun paperwork stuff. I've already done some winter shopping maynnnee! (I really couldn't help myself) lol I'm def going to need those space bag thingies cuz I've already been packing and I'm already OVERPAKCED (uhh dyslexia much?lol) x 1000!

On a sidenote I'm going to be celebrating my 24th (UGH I'm getting sooo old) birthday away from home for the 1st time ever :'(  I'm thinking about going to Paris for the weekend with friends (LOL I feel so spoilt, like 'hey I'm going PARIS for my bday) lol

N.B :  I am going to be homesick like WHOA...I just know it...I haven't thought much about leaving my fam, my doggie love of my life (caseykins) and my bf....I think I'm trying to avoid thinking about it now because it makes me sad to dwell upon it now...it really hasn't hit me just yet even though it's a lil more than 1 month before I leave!!!! I'm soooo happy I'll have my mom with me for the first few days to settle me in! I wish my bf could visit me but the cost of that ticket is UBERLY expensive and he'll b busy working :'(

Oh well, if our 4 year relationship can make it through 8 months of being apart, then we can make it through almost anything together!!!!

Anyhooz its rather early so I'm going back to bed!! I will try to keep up the blogging and not let procrastination take me away again! lol xoxoxox Have a great day! 

Hey blog viewers, so it's post # 4 (i'm not letting you win procrastination!) and a lot has transpired since my last entry. Yesterday, I had a divine moment which brought me back on to the road I'm supposed to be taking, after straying for a bit. Now I should mention here that although I have never been a big fan of religion (although I do concur it is the opium of the masses yet overrun with discrepancies, hypocrisy etc.) I am a firm believer in a Higher Power, the Creator of Life, a.k.a, God. I have always had faith in Him as there have been several instances throughout my life where I simply KNEW it could not be just the work of the 'positive vibrations of the Universe/Laws of Attraction'...it was simply bigger than that.
This post is not going to be a debate about the existence of God and 'if he exists then why all the pain and suffering in the world'...I'm done with questioning because it only serves to make me depressed and drive me crazy! Might as well live life while I still have the privilege to do so rather than waste time asking and wondering why, how etc and driving myself mad!
So anyways, back to the point of this post...as you know from reading previous posts, I feel like I've been to hell and back with this insonia/anxiety illness over the past 3 yrs that threatened to devastate my life. It's been a roller coaster of progression (up) and then regression (down). Over the past week, I've been the latter. After a couple days before held promise, 1 sleepless night (as in NO SLEEP) turned into another and then another, and then another...until I felt myself sinking into that dark yet familiar place of depression and hopelessness. I again stopped working, I stopped attending yoga classes cuz I felt too exhausted and jaded to do any form of physical activity and basically I was back to just existing.
Then came yesterday. A simple weekly visit by a certain special someone turned out to be an amazing gift of divine proportions...yesterday began badly with me feeling physically unwell due to a severe lack of sleep and so I was feeling bummy even with my visitor's arrival. Later during the day, while watching tv...during commercials we began talking and discussing issues like Life in general which then led to me and my 'situation'. (I don't want to go into too much detail here cuz it's private) but we talked and talked and talked and just from what I was being advised and told and just from the nature of that long moment...I just knew that it was a message from God...afterwards when I was alone, I went outside in my yard where it had been raining all day...and suddenly the sun came out and I just felt this sort of inner peace, this contentment, this inexplainable sudden happiness that made me cry not out of sadness but hope that everything's going to be ok. I felt instant gratitude towards God because my faith which had been dampened before was instantly restored. I went to bed that night full of just this contentment and belief that it will be ok...ande guess what I slept ok! Not great cuz I woke up at some extremely early hour of the a.m but I got out of bed ready to seize the day! Carpe Diem! I finally got back to my yoga and excercise with a smile on my face and hop in my step! I just needed that little pat on the back from Him...just a little sign of hope that 'Hey Chelsea, I know a lot is going on in the world...but you are going to make it through.'  And for that Lord, I am supremely grateful as I needed that. Now I'm back to keeping and holding on to that faith even during the dark times...though I may still feel a wee bit sad about the situation w my lack of sleep etc...compared to months before I feel absolutely great...I am no longer that supremely anxious, depressed, scared, pessimistic person as I was before...I can see and feel the progress...I am gradually returning to the 'old' me...the me who was passionate and excited about life...but this me is just a wee bit different and new in the sense that although I'm slowly getting back to a state of wellbeing that I had before this insomnia etc occured...I am a changed person...my whole outlook on life has changed for the best and for that I am grateful.  I've come to realize that worrying is wasteless and useless in times like these.
Times are difficult, daunting and scary...but why give in to it? After all, all one can really do in this life is have hope and faith, be positive and continue to persevere despite the odds...Once we lose that hope, faith and motivation...we become lost souls simply existing rather than living.... 
                                    
                       'Hope nurtures the soul as a cupped hand protects a flame.'

We Are What We Eat

Hey all, sorry about the late post but I've been going through quite a bit over the last few days! Anyways, so I decided to centre post #3 around healthy nutrition after noticing changes in my sleep & anxiety issues (refer to post #1 & #2) when I switched to better eating habits. Now I'm no nutritionist but I can attest to the fact that my body went through real changes after eating healthier. Also, I have been doing tons of research and reading over the past 3 years of  living with severe chronic and insomnia and major anxiety. Not surprisingly, proper foods and nutrition make a HUGE difference in overall well being, affecting things like the amount of positive brain chemicals you produce which are responsible for everything from how you deal with stress to how you sleep at night.
But firstly, a quick update on my progress thus far (refer 2 post 1&2 if ur confused):
I'm back out at work (yay!) yay cuz I'm keeping busy during the day and still have my translations on the side as extra income (staying home and doing nothing constructive with your life is a sure way 2 get sad and depressed easily...it's best 2 get out there and DO something.) I'm also continuing my Yoga (LOVE IT) and starting gym. (making up for all the years of non-physical activity!) Although I still have 1 or 2 nights where I find difficulty falling asleep, there have been several nights where i DO sleep for at least 4-5 hrs and wake up feeling great the next day, able 2 function. I've even been able 2 go out late again with friend & stay up late and watch movies w/mom (which although may seem insignificant, are actually milestones for me...things I wasn't able to do a couple months ago where I had to be in bed by 7pm cuz I was to exhausted to do anything else.) However I've realized I need to fully wait till my body gets accustomed to sleeping...cuz after going out for the past few wkends past my 'bedtime', i've fallen BACK into bad sleep :(  SO i have to start over and get my body reaccustomed...lesson learnt: Wait at LEAST a few months/ Go out during the day and get home by 9pm...early i know but i'd rather get my health back in order thank  very much!
 So despite the few setbacks, I no longer cry or get anxious and depressed about the sleep stuff.. My whole perspective has changed so that I strive to keep negativity out of my life. However, lately, other branches of Life's tree have been bothering me...and thus disrupting my sleep for the past few nights *sigh* ...so I just need 2 learn how 2 cope with things that upset me andhow to not let it affect my sleep....but anyways, this experience is surely a stepping stone 2 greater things and I needed 2 learn how 2 handle it. It's not what you endure in life but how you endure it. I'm just glad to be back on track, keeping my head high and keeping the faith.
 "Your Health is Your Wealth."- The mantra of the old fogies. At 23 I'm finally realizing they TRULY DO know what they're talking about! lol. With age comes wisdom. Ever since my new health-conscious state, I can now assure you that Ignorance is NOT Bliss. A lack of knowledge of proper, healthy, daily nutrition, spurned by the recent onslaught of microwave EVERYTHING from pizza to italian pastas to soups, veggie lasagnes etc, has resulted in a fast-paced society characterised by instant gratification.
"Ready in 3-5 minutes" are the words any busy, working person (particularly mothers & students) dream of as they are a great time-saver. But what are the disadvantages and prices to pay for this quick n'easy lifestyle when it comes to our health?
It is scientifically proven that this pop-in-the-microwave-and-eat approach carries a host of ramifications on our long-term health as these items contain artificial flavouring,preservatives (to keep taste & quality while frozen), sodium etc which all increase the risks of dieseases such as cancer, diabetes, hypertension etc. Check this link out for a shocking dose of reality:

Nope, it's not ice cream peeps!! it's CHICKEN used in patties, nuggest, McDonald's etc etc...I kid you not...I wish I were joking...check out the eye opening link here for more information....GET AWARE!


http://docakilah.wordpress.com/2011/05/11/can-you-guess-what-mcdonald%E2%80%99s-food-item-this-is/


So why is all this stuff bad for you? Simply put, our bodies have to work overtime to process the 'fake ingredients' put into these 'real' food dishes. But it's just soooo easy!!! *sigh* anyways so I cut out all that stuff, started taking the time 2 eat fruits,make my own salads (minus the sald dressing) and make my own dishes....well help mommy make my own dishes (lol...yea yea i'm still working on thecooking thing!!!) Cuz being bombarded by all the info of eating this leads 2 cancer (I blame yet thank YOU Dr.Oz) just made me realize how much crap i was putting into my system at a very young age (I'm talking choclate/junkfood overload from like 10!)
So for example, I began eating more whole grain stuff like whole grain gluten free ezekiel bread, whole grain pasta, cracker setc with more egg,tuna etc and less deli meat, chicken and all that stuff. I also eat tons more veggies and fruits (blueberries,strawberries,grapes,apples,pears,kiwi,carrots,spinach,tomatoes,cucumbers etc) and for a sugar craving i eat chocolate covered almonds and hazenuts! I've cut out my sugar intake(no more softdrinks,only 100%juice and just one cup a day,no more refined sugary treats...bye bye Oreos,) as well as unnecessary carbs (no more bingeing on bags of doritos and sunchips when bored) Now I just drink tons of water or chew gum (which I'm slowly cutting out due to the high levels of aspartame (cancer causing artificial flavourings and sweeteners).
Not surprisingly, ever since these changes and incorporating my lil excercise (yoga and walking), I have been feeling better and I have already lost weight in my problem zones! And it's happened really fast!
So I advise you all who don't know why you're feeling sick and ill, sluggish and tired...do some research....I love Dr.Oz's Website and shows http://www.doctoroz.com/ ...good stuff not just info the docs tell u but alternate options also for our health woes and just search your issue in the search bar or...google it...(seriously) and TRY IT...it really does work, I'm living proof! :)

Positive Change & Growth

Post#2 of my blog & I just wna say thx 2 those who took the time to leave positive feedback via comments here & facebook posts & msgs! Ur encouragement,like an aphrodisiac, (well like what I imagine one would feel like lol) excites me&motivates me 2 continue. I swear writing is truly therapeutic!

So after reading my 1st post which gave the background story 4 this blog (scroll down under this post 2 take a read), a lot of u asked about my current situation .  Here's a quick update: Ever since 'seeing the light' & also seeing my pysch (saw her twice since Feb to help me deal with my sleeping/anxiety issues etc), I have been progressing,doing my yoga classes and I'm currently working at home doing translations for 2 companies which is a great aid for my brain cells & my wallet!! Additionally, my rship w my fam & bf of 3 1/2 yrs has improved IMMENSELY :). So I'm just taking it easy doing things but giving my body a chance to heal and rest till decision time a.k.a CONUNDRUM which is another post 4 another time!

 Sleep wise, last night, I slept roughly 4 hrs which is better than 2 the night b4. Yay me! *insert happy jig here* I went to sleep later than normz (after 12) due to blog excitement & the only reason I got up at 4:37 am was 4 a pee break.Hmmph! *PLZ refer to Tip#3  on the right side of this page!* 

And I have difficulties in getting my body & mind back 2 that sweet state of slumber once I have already awoken. Ok, ok and fine... to be honest, I'm pretty undisciplined when it comes to following my tips and sticking to a proper and rigid bedtime schedule for my body 2 get accustomed.lol.
 *eats a slice of shame pie*. My lack of discipline is partly due to the fact that my dad & bf & friends fall asleep so EASILY like as soon as their body touches the bed! I used 2 b jealous &  think 'if sleeping is supposed to come as natural as breathing, why can't I just fall asleep normally again?!!' Then my pysch told me if I continue thinking like that I'd continue w/my anxieties so she said I just need 2 accept and move forward, let go and let God...which although hard at first, I did...and things have been improving slowly but surely.

Something I want to mention in this post: Several of you msged me saying that u had no idea that I was going through a situation like this for so long. Someone even told me on fb chat that she was surprised 2 learn about this because she always thought I led such a great life and that she was at times envious. Shout out 2 U for admitting this 2 me as it just goes 2 show:

Noone's life, no matter how 'perfect & wonderful' it may seem on the outside, is 'EASY'. As naturally judgemental as we humans may tend to be, we must always hold on to that bit of understanding that we DO NOT know the challenges people face in life. We all have our share to deal with in life, some at an earlier time than others and at varying degrees but at some point we must ALL endure specific trials and tribulations designed to test our resolve & essentially, our willingness to survive & emerge a better person. To say that times are hard is an understatement....So be a little more understanding and empathetic towards others, remain positive, hope for the best and let us try to change our actions and reactions to our circumstances into positive ones to create a better tomorrow.

A little something I wrote:

GARDENING FOR LIFE 101

To reap the fruits of success from the Tree of Life, one must:

1. Sow the seeds of PoSiTiViTy
2. Fertilize the roots of PeRsEvErAnCe
3. Tend to the leaves of PaTiEnCe
4. Nurture the tree of FaItH
5. Taste the fruit of SUCCESS :)

FINALLY MY FIRST POST AFTER MONTHS OF PROCRASTINATION!!

Hey there readers of my blog! (I feel so awesome and powerful saying that lol) Firstly thanks for browsing through this compilation of stuffz that go on in my brain. After a very, VERY long time procrastinating whether to keep this private or not I've finally decided 2 suck it up & broadcast pieces of my life for the world!

The inspiration to begin blogging stemmed from a very unpleasant up and down scenario pertaining to my health which began in 2008 and lasted up to now.You're probably wondering: WHAT experience is this woman referring to?! Well, you may wanna take a deep breath here cuz the following posts are a lot2digest...i.e : A HEC OF A LOTTA READING!!! Consider yourself warned! lol.

Rewind 3 yrs to 2008, my 2nd year of University and a turbulent one at that, plagued by no, not looming projects, essays and other work related stressors...but a HOST of health-related issues specifically: chronic severe insomnia (as in I'd go WEEKS with ZERO hours of sleep), panic/anxiety disorder (constant anxious feelings and attacks, jittery trembling  nerves, hard pounding heart 24/7, shortness of breath) and of course as the inevitable result of these illnesses, depression.
WHY did this begin? To make an even longer story short: The mind is a very powerful thing...be careful what u put into it...I made the mistake of watching 'The Exorcism of Emily Rose' at a time when my faith was not very strong...Additionally, a friend told me about her evil spirit and how her house had to be exorcised etc...NEEDLESS 2 say my insomnia and anxieties began...Coupled with me not doing anything about it and thinking it would go away on its own...it worsened and became a vicious cycle of anxiety->lack of sleep->anxiety->lack of sleep etc. Eventually I got over the evil thing and strengthened my faith BUT my anxieties about not sleeping at all and never being able to sleep normally again WORSENED. I MUST mention here: I did not take ANY medication for ANY of these illnesses...(I prefer natural alternatives) However I must also admit that after a plethora of doctors assured me that I did not have an underlying life threatening disease and advised me to see a pyschologist, I DID NOT see one till years later (February 2011).  Don't do what I did!! Suck up your pride and seek help if it lasts months and you can't get through it on ur own cuz I thought I could have solved it single handedly and by the time I realized I needed backup, it had worsened which meant my recovery time would be a LONG process.  

My life changed drastically...I went from an outgoing, fun loving, living- life -and- having- fun chic to a very anxious, moody and depressed individual. I know longer knew myself...I had changed for the worst. I became very angry with God, asking Him how he could allow a then-20 year old who seemed to be on the right track, to suffer the way I was. The total lack of sleep and constant anxiety and depression affected everything from my relationship w/my bf (tho he was the main one who pulled me through & was @ my side every step of the way...thx babe <3 ) & family,  to my social life to my academic performance to essentially ME as a person. During that very dark period, I honestly felt like I was dying both physically, mentally and emotionally...I missed so many important milestones including half of my graduation ceremony. I felt like I had hit rockbottom and like I was a failure as a recent thriving graduate, who was now unable to work and go out past 6pm due to severe physical and mental exhaustion. I was no longer vibrant & dynamic Chelsea. I was now Chelsea who was simply EXISTING rather than LIVING...
Somewhere along this difficult path covered in thorns...I found a rose...LITERALLY well kinda lol...I was home outside in my yard feeling sad and crying when I just looked to my empty hibiscus tree I saw one lone beautiful hibiscus flower...and suddenly I saw a hummingbird which is RARE by me...I've NEVER seen one in my yard ever before...IMMEDIATELY I felt like it was a sign...I felt an twinge of hope and eventually I began to believe that God had a plan for me...I stopped wondering 'Why Me?!' ...something had hit me...I refused to continue simply existing & doing nothing with my life!!! I was heading down a downward spiral if I continued like that and was fed up of feeling hopeless and like I was never going to get better. It was like I was waiting for an invitation that would never come so I decided to INVITE MYSELF to get better rather than wait for nothing!

Flash forward to 2011...I finally sought professional help as my sleep issue was killing me (i've seen a pysch twice and she's helped tremedously!) and thanks to God, supportive family, friends and my amazing bf, I am in a way better place than ever before. It is certainly a gradual and very long process (it will take months to years to undo roughly 3 years of anxiety and lack of sleep) and there are nights where I get 3-4 hrs of sleep and nights where I get none at all....but the point is...it will get better. I believe that everything happens for a reason, 'Que sera, sera'. I was meant to go through this very lengthy obstacle to make me a better person and maybe even to reach out to those like me! Whatever the reason, I'm grateful for it because now I appreciate the finer details of life and don't take things nor people for granted. DEPRESSION IS NOT FOR THE LIVING!! You are privileged just to be alive!!!

It was difficult but once I changed my attitude and perspective and began making little changes in my life: (diet,excercise,positive attitude etc),
I began to feel like a phoenix...rising from the ashes! I still have a very long way to go...it's only been about 1 month since things have started looking up & some days r better than others...but though I may stagger, I won't fall again! This experience has changed me for the best and I am truly grateful to have gone through it at such a young age.
Barcollo ma non mollo (Italian proverb-I may stagger but I won't fall.)