CLOSING TIME: 'Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End' *cue song*

'One's destination is never a place...but a new way of seeing things' -Henry Miller


Wow...Time really seemed to overdo it on the red bull because it has obviously developed wings to have flown by so quickly!

 So it is the day before I leave and i feel.....SICK! First time in ages and I'm sneezing, runny nose, feeling weak, exhausted...SIGH!!! I'm actually sucking a massive grapefruit as I write this. I hope and pray I get better ASAP! Otherwise, I feel: 

surreal,excited,anxious,apprehensive,sad and every other synonym that can be found on 
http://thesaurus.com/

The hardest part about this experience will be the fact that I am unable to share it with those I love the most... 
In fact, Saturday, which was the last full day spent with Dom, was sad for me because it really hit me that I was leaving...and because we exchanged promise rings (so sweet).
Check out my facebook status from Sat nite lol: 


‎-DISCLAIMER:THE FOLLOWING IS A MUSHFEST,VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!
there is not enough time in the world to let (his name) know just how much I will miss him over the next 8 months...it is hard to go from being w/that special person almost every day to not at all for so long.U r my bestest friend, my lover & my comforter& despite the obstacles, I thank God for blessing me with you over the past 4 years :) if we make it through this then we can be even more sure that we are meant to be ♥


if I were single and disengaged well then by all means I would be a happy camper all single and ready to mingle, excited to grasp the bull by its horns and delve into a brand new experience head first!

However such is not the case....I am leaving my loved ones behind ( I won't even be back for christmas :(  ) because this has always been a dream of mine and as much as I will be sad to go I do not want to ever regret never enjoying and learning from this opportunity!

'20 years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour and catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.' - Mark Twain.

So with my 2 large suitcases and small carry on packed (no worries my mom is accompanying me for the first 2 weeks lol)...I feel content...not going to think about the 6hour time difference and the miles between us but I'm going to open my mind and my arms to embrace this wonderful opportunity! 
So Cheers to a safe flight where I am not too exhausted and battered from jet lag!
 May the Good Lord above continue to guide and protect me on this new journey and help me to learn and experience all that I must to continue growing and becoming the person I was meant to be!!!

I AM READY!! Goodbye Trinidad...I will miss you my lovely caribbean island...my family...friends....my DOG CASEY!!! my BF Dominic......<3   See you all in May 2012...
xoxox

my bf & i w/the <3 of my life casey  :)

'You must be the change you wish to see in the world' - Ghandi

Hey all,

So I'm taking a little break from the french updates just to share something with you.

A lot of you have probably heard the above title quote a million times...I have! But today for some reason it really struck a chord with me as I got to thinking about it....there a few points of interest that I would like you all to bear in mind with regard to You beginning the ripple effect to make a change....

Remember: ONE MILLION begins with ONE ......

 How to be the Change You wish To See In The World

1. Know that all significant change throughout history has occurred not because of nations, armies, governments and certainly not committees. They happened as a result of the courage and commitment of individuals. People like Joan of Ark, Albert Einstein,Mahatma Ghandi, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Thomas Edison and Rosa Parks. They might not have done it alone, but they were, without question, the change makers.

2. Believe that you have a unique purpose and potential in the world. It’s not so much something to create as to be discovered. And it’s up to you to discover it. Believe that you can and will make a difference.

3. Recognize that everything you do, every step you take, every sentence you write, every word you speak—or DON’T speak--counts. Nothing is trivial. The world may be big, but there are no small things. Everything matters.

4. To be the change you want to see in the world, you don’t have to be loud. You don’t have to be eloquent. You don’t have to be elected. You don’t even have to be particularly smart or well educated. You do, however, have to be committed.

5. Take personal responsibility. Never think that "it’s not my job". It’s a cop-out to say, "What can I do, I’m only one person." You don’t need everyone’s cooperation or anyone’s permission to make changes. Remember this little gem, "If it’s to be, it’s up to me."

6. Don’t get caught up in the how of things. If you’re clear on what you want to change and why you want to change it, the how will come. Many significant things have been left undone because someone let the problem solving interfere with the decision-making.

7. Don’t wait for things to be right in order to begin. Change is messy. Things will never be just right. Follow Teddy Roosevelt’s timeless advice, "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."

8. The genesis for change is awareness. We cannot change what we don’t acknowledge. Most of the time, we aren’t aware of what’s wrong or what’s not working. We don’t see what could be. By becoming more aware, we begin the process of change.

9. Take to heart these words from Albert Einstein--arguably one of the smartest change masters who ever lived: "All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination and then works its way out. Imagination is more important than knowledge."

10. In order for things to change, YOU have to change. We can’t change others; we can only change ourselves. However, when WE change, it changes everything. And in doing so, we truly can be the change we want to see in the world.

DENIAL? Isn't that a river near Egypt?

9 days before my 10 1/2hour long flight to London and then France on the 23rd...
I am mostly packed, prepared, ready and rearing to go....and yet...deep down it has not yet CLICKED...
I've been spending a lot of time w my bf of nearly 4 years lately,overnighting etc...and although we discuss how we're going to cope with the 6 hour time difference among other issues....it still hasn't fully sunken in that I will be in a foreign country, miles away from home for the first time in EVER and for 8 months! Hec the last time I was on my own was in 2008 when I went to Guadeloupe on a university class trip for 3 weeks and even by then I was ready to come home!!!! Yet I want to live in FRANCE for 8 MONTHS? Pffttt this can't be really happening....I'm having a long, languid dream...*PINCH* ok no dream! Well hey God has His plans for me, who am I to freak out and question the Big man's will? Anyways I suppose it's time I really grow up and mature like a fine cheese or wine (fitting french simile)lol. No more being spoilt and baybied up as is at home...Time to smell the coffee, baguette or more specifically to Lille....the dog poop(which I've been forewarned about.) I can't be 23-soon-to-be-24 and afraid to be on my own....1st time for everything!


Anywhooz I know it won't be smooth sailing once I arrive...life has a funny way of trying to get you drunk by throwing lemons at you to make tequilla with....so I have no illusions! Nonetheless I plan to make the most out of this experience for myself and for my STUDENTS most importantly!!! I want them to profit from my presence and have the best time learning EVER with me teaching them....
however...please permit me to include a couple items on my wish/hope list: 


                     WISH/HOPELIST

• *my room in the house is bigger than my current one at home and nice&clean, not shabby&dingy
• *my sleep patterns are not jacked up from jet lag/being alone and somewhere different
• *my fellow roomates are cool,friendly,nice people sans the pyscho behaviour seen on those lifetime movie commercials
• *the weather is not constantly dreary & depressing...i need my daily dose of vit D via the sun :(
• *my teaching schedule begins from 10am and not when school starts at...ugh 8am...and ends earlier than the 4:30 hour when school ends....
• *i have nice, not too miserable high school students who are WILLING to learn and not wishing the day to end so they can get back to their social lives/smoking/making out/eating frogs' legs
• *there's a nearby gym and yoga classes (gotta get fit for carnival 2013 back home in Trinidad as I'm missing out 2012...also need to burn off all the creme brules and croque monsieurs pastries! lol)
• *I can figure out this train/bus/metro transport thing....i am VERY directionally challenged so hopefully I don't end up in Spain!
• *I can make my 800 euro/month salary work and perhaps even have extra at the end of it!
• *I remember that preservative in english is not preservatif in french,....which actually means CONDOM

^^ There, that's not too bad is it? I think my wishes/hopes are quite realistic for a little island chic like myself! lol


So it's actually happening!! The whole france thing!! Time to really brush up on my degree as I haven't been practising my french since I graduated a year ago....well orally at least...sadly my written is 100000 times better than my spoken...though I do grate out a pretty decent sounding 'rrrrrr' (as in CRAvat/MERde/VRAIment) without hawking spit on the person I'm talking to lol.


De toute facon, a+!!! Next time I write will be the weekend before I'm gone!!! xx bisous :)

                                                                       

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?

FRANCE, FRANCE BABY!! 


Well now, luckily my french is up to par (supposedly after a 3 year degree) to avoid resorting to the title line when in dire straits!


So in my last post I said I'm going to Europe!! In fact,  there remains 17 days until my departure(with my aunt and mom yay!) for the country of wine, cheese, snails, frog legs, dog poop (apparently it's EVERYWHERE) and sucky deodarant. (I'm walking with 8 months worth...4 sticks!)


Everything is already organized thank God...Accomodation,French Visa etc. so I'm hoping there aren't any hiccups along the way between now and then...we all know how life has a way of throwing dagger encrusted lemons at us when all seems to be set and ready to go....!
 Somebody pinch me, this is all too surreal mayne!


I began packing...(yea, this way in advance lol) and lemme tell you, space bags are one of man's greatest inventions!!! i packed my comforter, bed sheets and mattress pad (all to make those lumpy single french beds more comfortable) and vacuum sucked  that mofo till it was as flat as a pancake!! HOWEVER, I am OVERWEIGHT in both my big check in suitcase as well as my carry on suitcase *SIGH* Soooo glad mom is coming to enjoy a mini eurotrip on my behalf lol so I can shove necessity items such as uh UNDERWEAR in her luggage as I have ZERO room! All that's left to pack is stuff like medication (supplements, vitamins, cold tablets etc as well as my melatonin which helps with my sleep) I kinda went overboard on the ordering clothes online from the usa thing...to avoid overspending in Europe lol as the exchange rate (1 euro = 8-10 tt dollars) SUCKS!!! The upside? I save money, Downside? I lose luggage space!


Otherwise, I'm just biding my time with fam, friends & my bf .... :'(    i am sooo attached to my family and to my bf of nearly 4 years so it's going to be realllyyy hard i know...and if I think about it too much I get sad and anxious so I haven't been dwelling on the fact that I'll be away from them all for 8months...who's gonna cook me an amazing sunday lunch?!! *tear*


Anyways so I feel caught between wanting time to hurry up and fly by so I can just get the flight over and done with....and between wanting time to slow down so i have enough to spend with my loved ones! Ah well, Tuesday September 20th at 5:20pm...I await you!!! Flight leaves at 5:20 pm heads over to St.Lucia till 7:25pm I think?? and then we board again for London, England!!! (only entry to Europe from Trinidad) upon which we arrive at 8:40 am (their time) and 4:40 am (my body's time) England is 4 hours ahead of Trinidad, France is 6 hours ahead! I'm praying I don't suffer too badly from jet lag taking into account my problems with normal sleep! I'm praying my sleep issues REVERSE to normalcy over there! lol (for newcomers to the blog, earlier posts chronicle my battle with sleep issues)


I should probably mention here that I am TERRIFIED of plane flights and being in that plane for so long....the longest I've ever been on a plane was about 4 or 5 hours just from Trinidad to Miami!! And this flight from Trinidad to London is 10 hours 40 minutes.............................................................................
IF I COULD HAVE TAKEN A SHIP I SO WOULD HAVE! hec if I could have driven I probably would have!!! Anyways I used to love planes ah....until the sudden onslaught of crashes threw me off guard...now the slightest turbulence has me praying fervently throughout the ENTIRE duration of the trip hence leaving me with a sore throat and no voice upon my arrival....
NONETHELESS....i must admit...after all I've been through w the past anxiety and sleep problems, this impending plane flight hasn't been affecting me much as it would have....
QUE SERA SERA, whatever will be will be mayne!! So hey i'm content now with whatever happens beyond my control....if i were to live in total fear of that flight i wouldn't have bothered to do this assistantship in France & possibly have one of the greatest experiences of my life now would I?
so for all those who may share my same fear, let it go...it's beyond your control....listen to some soothing music on your ipod, read a book, maybe smuggle some vodka if that helps you or ask your doc for one time calming pills to knock u out for a part of the flight or just calm u down.
Otherwise, you're simply NOT living life!!