Hey blog viewers, so it's post # 4 (i'm not letting you win procrastination!) and a lot has transpired since my last entry. Yesterday, I had a divine moment which brought me back on to the road I'm supposed to be taking, after straying for a bit. Now I should mention here that although I have never been a big fan of religion (although I do concur it is the opium of the masses yet overrun with discrepancies, hypocrisy etc.) I am a firm believer in a Higher Power, the Creator of Life, a.k.a, God. I have always had faith in Him as there have been several instances throughout my life where I simply KNEW it could not be just the work of the 'positive vibrations of the Universe/Laws of Attraction'...it was simply bigger than that.
This post is not going to be a debate about the existence of God and 'if he exists then why all the pain and suffering in the world'...I'm done with questioning because it only serves to make me depressed and drive me crazy! Might as well live life while I still have the privilege to do so rather than waste time asking and wondering why, how etc and driving myself mad!
So anyways, back to the point of this post...as you know from reading previous posts, I feel like I've been to hell and back with this insonia/anxiety illness over the past 3 yrs that threatened to devastate my life. It's been a roller coaster of progression (up) and then regression (down). Over the past week, I've been the latter. After a couple days before held promise, 1 sleepless night (as in NO SLEEP) turned into another and then another, and then another...until I felt myself sinking into that dark yet familiar place of depression and hopelessness. I again stopped working, I stopped attending yoga classes cuz I felt too exhausted and jaded to do any form of physical activity and basically I was back to just existing.
Then came yesterday. A simple weekly visit by a certain special someone turned out to be an amazing gift of divine proportions...yesterday began badly with me feeling physically unwell due to a severe lack of sleep and so I was feeling bummy even with my visitor's arrival. Later during the day, while watching tv...during commercials we began talking and discussing issues like Life in general which then led to me and my 'situation'. (I don't want to go into too much detail here cuz it's private) but we talked and talked and talked and just from what I was being advised and told and just from the nature of that long moment...I just knew that it was a message from God...afterwards when I was alone, I went outside in my yard where it had been raining all day...and suddenly the sun came out and I just felt this sort of inner peace, this contentment, this inexplainable sudden happiness that made me cry not out of sadness but hope that everything's going to be ok. I felt instant gratitude towards God because my faith which had been dampened before was instantly restored. I went to bed that night full of just this contentment and belief that it will be ok...ande guess what I slept ok! Not great cuz I woke up at some extremely early hour of the a.m but I got out of bed ready to seize the day! Carpe Diem! I finally got back to my yoga and excercise with a smile on my face and hop in my step! I just needed that little pat on the back from Him...just a little sign of hope that 'Hey Chelsea, I know a lot is going on in the world...but you are going to make it through.'  And for that Lord, I am supremely grateful as I needed that. Now I'm back to keeping and holding on to that faith even during the dark times...though I may still feel a wee bit sad about the situation w my lack of sleep etc...compared to months before I feel absolutely great...I am no longer that supremely anxious, depressed, scared, pessimistic person as I was before...I can see and feel the progress...I am gradually returning to the 'old' me...the me who was passionate and excited about life...but this me is just a wee bit different and new in the sense that although I'm slowly getting back to a state of wellbeing that I had before this insomnia etc occured...I am a changed person...my whole outlook on life has changed for the best and for that I am grateful.  I've come to realize that worrying is wasteless and useless in times like these.
Times are difficult, daunting and scary...but why give in to it? After all, all one can really do in this life is have hope and faith, be positive and continue to persevere despite the odds...Once we lose that hope, faith and motivation...we become lost souls simply existing rather than living.... 
                                    
                       'Hope nurtures the soul as a cupped hand protects a flame.'